So, Sherlock
by Arty Diane
Summary: On going series of oneshots. A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock & John as they compare themselves & those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters.Chapter 23, "Mash-up II", Lestrade is still drugged & his analogies are getting crazy! Disney princesses,Transformers & little women are just a few of them!
1. Star Trek

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**I take requests!**

**Thanks to dear Ennui Enigma for pointing out the problems with this story, also The Ginger Midget, I hope it's clearer now.**

**I do not own the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these chapters.**

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"So, Sherlock, if you're the emotionally in control Mr. Spock, then John is Dr. Bones McCoy. Does that make me Captain Kirk?"

"You wish!"

John enters in a huff.

"Scotty beam me up, there's no intelligent life down here!"

"John, you are irritated, leaning towards frustrated, and you are exhibiting a hint of bewilderment as well. Why?"

"Scotty's not bad… Heck, I like Scotty better than Kirk…" Lestrade mused.

"The victim wasn't murdered; he stuck a fork in the toaster while standing on a wet floor. It was a stupid accident. Jeez, I can't believe how stupid people can be!" John was practically seething.

"Hey, that's Sherlock's line!"

"John, do you want a cup of tea to calm down?"


	2. Harry Potter

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

**I take requests!**

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"So, Sherlock, if you had to pick a character in Harry Potter, who'd you pick?"

"Hermione Granger, she's the most intelligent character of the book."

"You do have bushy hair too! Who would you be John?"

"I think I best fit Harry's description, I'm the shorter friend with the ghastly scar."

Sherlock rolled his eyes.

"Are we going to compare every one we know to the novel's characters?"

"Mrs. Hudson is definitely Mrs. Weasley." John said enthusiastically.

"We don't have a Ron!" Lestrade interjected.

"Donovon is Millicent Bulstrode." Sherlock deadpanned.

"Don't tell me, Anderson is Draco" Lestrade hazarded.

"Ha! You over-estimate him, he's a Goyle at best!"

"OK Sherlock, don't be mean!"

"Why John, or should I say Harry, have you grown tired of me already and you want to go and play Quidik with Ron?"

"First, it's Quidditch, and second, we don't have a Ron!"

"I can be Ron!"

"You're not ginger Greg."

"And you're not a brunet John!"

"Ron and Hermione ended up together you know…" John teased.

Lestrade gulped, "The characters wouldn't have fit any way"

"Stupid analogy from the very beginning" Sherlock muttered.


	3. Harry Potter II

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

**Thanks to dear Ennui Enigma for pointing out the problems. **

**Harry Potter continues!**

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"So Sherlock, if you went to Hogwarts, what house would you want to join?"

"Ravenclaw, obviously!"

"Sure, I bet you'd never get bored, what with all the riddles you'd have to solve just to enter your common room."

"I don't like riddles John, I like puzzles."

John snickered, "Sorry, the door only gives you riddles. You'd have to go find puzzles somewhere else in the castle."

"What would be you're house John?"

"Um, I don't know, er…"

"He's brave, loyal and adventure-seeking. He'd be a Gryffindor."

"Ever thought of your favorite subject Sherlock?" Lestrade continued.

"No."

"Okay… what about you John?"

"I think I'd enjoy herbology. I bet you'd be a good at potions Sherlock."

"Ya, but Snape would kick him out of the class before half of the first session is over!"

"And why is that Lestrade? I am perfectly capable in conducting chemical experiences in the _kitchen_; I don't think brewing a potion would be much of a problem."

"Oh, I have no doubt you'd be brilliant in making potions. It's that big mouth of yours that's the problem. I bet you'll enter the class and you'd rattle out the potion master's life story, from his hygiene to his lingering feelings over his high school girlfriend."

"Lestrade, I observe, I do not read minds nor do I have a third eye, how on earth would I be able to deduce about the girlfriend if she is not in the room? Besides, it's an irrelevant and boring detail, hardly worth noticing."

Lestrade raised an eyebrow "What if that is the reason your dear friend is being tormented by the teacher?"

"Hmm? Oh, you mean Harry's mother? That was something the author made up in the last book to add sentimentality to the story."

"Actually Sherlock, she had that in mind at least by the time she was writing book 5. In the beginning of it, Petunia mentions Lily and Snape's childhood friendship, but it is explained properly in the last book."

"Christ, John, you memorized all the books?" Lestrade exclaimed.

"If only you paid that much attention to detail in the real world. Then you'd improve a lot in your deductions."

"Okey Sherlock, judging by the way this conversation is going, I'd say you have devoured and digested all seven books as well."

"There were no cases for a week and I didn't feel like conducting any experiments. Also the air conditioning in my flat was broken, so I camped at the library."

Lestrade didn't miss a beat. "How Hermione-like of you! Where did you read the books John?"

"When I was in the hospital for breaking my leg on the rugby field. When did you read them Greg?"

"I didn't, I watched the movies with my kids!"

"Liar, the term potion master is the name of one of the chapters in book one; it's not mentioned in the movie!"

"Ok, you got me. I read them with my kids as well. When did you get to be a super cross-examiner John?"

"After I graduated from Auror academy!"

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**Thanks to every one who has read, reviewed,faved and followed this story. I take requests! Next chapter, Lord of the rings! Guess who's joining in the conversations?!**


	4. Lord of the Rings

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

**Thanks to dear Ennui Enigma for betaing. **

**We have Sally Donovon and Anderson joining the fun!**

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"So Sherlock, have you read the Hobbit"

"What's that? Yes, I'm coming John!"

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"So Sherlock, if you're Legolas and John is Gimli, does that make me Aragorn?"

"Of all the characters, you picked the one who is the king, how modest of you."

"It could have been worse, he could have picked Gandalf!" John interjected.

"John's more of a hobbit than a dwarf!" Anderson shot.

Sherlock wrinkled his nose "Piss of Gollum!"

"Watch it freak, you don't wanna mess with me!" Anderson growled.

"Okay kids; break it off before another war of the ring starts!" Lestrade said soothingly

"Even if we were Merry and Pippin we could beat you Gollum!" Sherlock scoffed.

"Funny, we did face off a Gollum in real life…" John mused.

"Merry and Pippin? You are more Frodo and Samwise Gamgee." Anderson shot back

"They got rid of Gollum, threw him in the boiling pit in Mont Doom." Sherlock retorted.

"You're better off with Merry and Pippin." John added.

"By the royal power invested in me, I command you to break it off!" Lestrade said imperiously.

"You're gonna need a whole lot more than royal authority to break those two off!" John muttered.

"Bolt of lightning?"

"Tempt Gollum with his precious and Pippin with a pint!"

"How did we end up with hobbits?" Anderson asked, exasperated.

"You're an ex-hobbit!" Sherlock spat.

"Does that mean he gets to eat you whole?" Sally asked hopefully.

"Only if he beats him in a game of riddles." John replied mock seriously.

"How many times do I have to tell you John, I hate riddles!"

"Chicken!" Anderson jeered.

"If it were a matter of solving a murder, you would have lost before the match had even begun." Sherlock retorted.

"Then you would have eaten him?" Sally asked confused.

"I don't think this argument happened in the Lord of the Rings books, it was in-"

"Yes Greg, but Gollum had to stick to a deal in the trilogy as well. In both cases he was supposed to guide the Hobbits. Okay, I just realized I completely lost track of the original argument Sherlock."

"Excellent idea John. How about you guide us to a point that we won't have to suffer through your idiocy during the cases?"

"…"

"Ah well, there's always the pit in Mont Doom!"


	5. Sonic and Batman

I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.

This chapter is two unrelated conversations.

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"So Sherlock, if you're Sonic, then John is Tails. Does that make me Knuckles?"

"A fast Hedgehog, a blond, flying fox, and a red creature that knocks down walls… well, that's not a bad analogy Lestrade."

"If only he ate as much as Sonic does!"

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"So Sherlock, If you're Batman and John is Robin, does that make me Commissioner James Gordon ?

"If you insist."

"Call me Robin again, Greg, and you'll seriously regret it!"

"But all the other characters are taken John, Molly is Lucius Fox, Mrs. Hudson is Alfred Pennyworth, and all the other characters are villains. Unless you'd want to be batgirl!"

"I can be that detective Blake guy."

"Ya… he's another version of Robin."

"… I'm gonna have to do some research and get back to you on that!"

*Ping*

-_Good thing Cat Woman was not mentioned brother, or John would not have been pleased._ MH

-_Shut up Penguin!_ SH

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**Thanks to all those who have read, reviewed, followed, and faved, it means a lot!**

**Next chapter: Star Wars!**


	6. Star Wars

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

**This Chapter, Mycroft enters!**

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"So Sherlock, how's the head? You got hit pretty badly by that suspe-"

"Murderer!"

"-Murder suspect back there. Are you sure it's a good idea to be hanging out in the morgue right now?"

"I need to inspect the body, I'm sure there is some evidence that can be found to incriminate the murderer."

"Okay, that's it Sherlock, you're going back to your room in the hospital. You inspected the body before, we have all the evidence we need and we got the killer. You're showing signs of amnesia."

"You worry too much John, I'm perfectly fine."

"Ya right! You're-" John froze mid sentence, "why hello Princess Leia!"

"Hi John, Sherlock!"

"Molly! Why are you wearing such a huge pair of headsets?"

"Um, well, eh, that's my hair. You see I was with my friend, and, uh, you know, she had this idea-"

"You remind me of a character in a movie John made me watch."

"Oh really? What was it?"

"It was long, and boring, and the DVD was faulty, because there was a character that whenever he-was it a he?- whenever he spoke his speech came out as growls, but his friend understood it-"

"Is he obsessing over Chewie?" Lestrade asked incredulously.

"You have to go and rest Sherlock!" John said anxiously.

"The youngling, lucid he is not!" Lestrade interjected.

*Ping*

"Darn, Mycroft is coming!" John muttered.

"-at least I would have been capable to infer it was some kind of language, it must have been a language or his friend wouldn't have understood him. Any language, no matter the way it's used is understandable. For example I can understand John's blog-"

"Hey!"

"You're rambling brother dear." Mycroft said smoothly.

"Excuse me?"

"You should listen to Doctor Watson and go rest."

"Who're you?"

"…Mycroft?"

"Why do you care?"

"I'm your brother!"

"What? Noooooooooo!"

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**Bonus if you get all the character comparisons right! ;)**


	7. Star Wars II

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

**For johnsarmylady, hope you'd like Kalliei here!**

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"So, Sherlock, did you watch the other three episodes of Star Wars?"

"What's that?"

"The movies you and John watched? Molly's headphone?"

"We watched it the night before last; you can't have possibly deleted it that fast!" John said exasperated.

"Done it now Sherlock, you have. Offended John, you have!"

"What's wrong with your grammar Lestrade? I was hit in the head, why have you lost your speech faculties?"

"Because amusing to annoy you, is it." Lestrade answered cheekily.

"It is!"

"It's Yoda-speak Sherlock!" John said wearily.

"Are we in this café to buy coffee or to stand around and talk like a little green abomination of English grammar?"

"Ha! You do remember it!"

"Yes John, you caught me, I hadn't had time to de-clutter my mind palace yet. I need to get rid of all that useless pop-culture rubbish to find space for some useful information, like why is that teenaged girl with reddish-brown hair's face as white as milk!"

"Kallie! What are you doing here? And why is your face all white?" Lestrade asked, startled.

"Why hello to you too Uncle Greg! I work here after school and I had a little disagreement with the mixer."

"You remind me of someone from that terribly long movie…"

"Introducing her majesty, Queen Amidala of Naboo!" John said in an imperious fashion.

"Hi Doctor John!"

"Hello Kallie! You've grown since the last time I saw you."

"Ya, I'm almost as tall as you are!" The teenager replied enthusiastically.

"Don't you want to go and wash your face?" Lestrade asked.

"Why would I? Queen Amidala didn't. I just had a great idea! I'm going to dress as Padme for the school's Halloween party. It'll be great, thanks for the idea Doctor John!"

"Sure, any time!"

"Say hello to your Mom from me."

"Sure thing Uncle Greg, I'll send your brotherly love to your dear sister!" And she exited the room with a dramatic flourish of her long braid.

"She can get Molly to braid her hair like that character."

"Um, Sherlock, that was Leia, Padme Amidala is someone else."

"Thanks for the input Lestrade, now we don't even have a barista to get our coffee."

"Hey, blame it on the mixer, it refused to cooperate." Lesrade retorted.

"We should send John in to make it comply, since he's had a string of successes with the chip and pin machines!"

"The sarcasm I appreciate not."

"Not you too John. Stop it at once!"

"Talk like Yoda all I want, I will, and stop me you cannot!"

"Okay, how did you even manage that sentence?" Lestrade asked, impressed.

"Much practice, I had. Talk like Yoda all day, I can."

"Strong with you the force is!" Lestrade applauded.

"Growing thin, my patience is!" Sherlock muttered.

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**For converting regular speech into Yoda-speak, I used the following site:**

** . (slash) **

**congratulations to Peaceful Defender, who got most of the analogies in the previous chapter!**

**Next one is Artemis Fowl, hope you'll like it! If you have any requests, let me know, I'd be glad to have new ideas for next chapters.**


	8. Artemis Fowl

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**This chapter has only Sherloch and Lestrade talking, and Mycroft texting. **

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

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"So, Sherlock, we had a bit of disagreement in the yard for this analogy. If you are Artemis Fowl, who is John? I think he'll make heads roll if we call him Holly, and he doesn't fit Butler's description. Can you help us out here?"

"Well Lestrade, your first mistake was that I do not fit Artemis' character at all."

"You're a sarcastic genius who solves puzzles for the fun of it, it's perfect!"

"Yes, but you forgot another crucial point in the analogy. Artemis Fowl had a strong aversion to physical activity."

"Well, can't argue with that, you sure aren't averse to running around London."

"Precisely."

"Okay, so we're looking for a creepy genius without qualms about enforcing his power and a lack of eye-hand coordination…I got it! Mycroft will be perfect"

*Ping*

-_I have great coordination, I can balance myself on the umbrella while standing on one foot!_ **MH**

- _You're lazy Mycroft, accept it_. **SH**

"Oh, come on! Here too? Can't we poke a bit of fun without him descending in on us?"

"Shut up Lestrade, let me handle this!"

*Ping*

-_If you compare me to Artemis, I'll tell John about it and tell him he's Holly, since I kidnap him on regular basis_. **MH**

-_It'll be your funeral, you are the one who's going to tell him, we didn't make the analogy_. **SH**

-_Fine then, if I'm Artemis, you're Myles_. **MH**

"Great, the Fowl family is helping us Yarders. I suppose John is Beckett."

-_Don't over work your Butler, brother dear_. **SH**

-_I'm flattered by the comparison Mr. Holmes!_ **A**

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**In case you forgot, Myles and Beckett are Artemis' toddler twin brothers. Myles is brunet while Beckett is blonde. See the Mycroft and Lestrade's point?!**


	9. the Avengers

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

**This chapter has two parts, because Mycroft refused to stay out of it!**

**For Ennui Enigma who requested the Avengers, hope you like it!**

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"So, Sherlock, how did you like the Avengers movie?"

"What's that?"

"The Movie we watched on Saturday night. You even liked some of the characters' interactions."

"Did he now? Who would you compare him to John?"

"Tony Stark!"

"John, really! I'm not a billionaire, nor a philanthropist, and I am most certainly not a play-boy!"

"Take it easy Sherlock, none of the analogies we make are hundred percent accurate, they're just the ones that fit the best." Lestrade said soothingly.

"Exactly, because you have a gigantic ego, you do crazy experiments in the flat that lead to the unfortunate demise of our property, and you're definitely a genius."

"Oh, well, since you put it that way…" Sherlock said with a hint of a smile.

"So who's John? Captain America?"

"Meh…" John and Sherlock said simultaneously.

"He's too much of a goody two shoes for my taste."

"Plus, he's too American, he wouldn't fit John's character at all."

"How about Hawkeye?" Lestrade hazarded.

"Meh…" John and Sherlock said again.

"He's a great shot and all…"

"That's why I suggested him, you're the best shot I've ever seen!"

"He's more of a freelancer than military, plus he doesn't have John's unwavering loyalty."

"You have someone in mind Sherlock, spill!" Lestrade said eagerly.

"Dr. Banner."

"The Hulk?! But John is such a nice and calm person, why would you compare him to the Hulk of all the people? Good to see you're not offended John. Why are you giggling?"

"Because he knows how accurate of an analogy I've made. Like Dr. Banner he is mild mannered and tolerant, with an unfaltering sense of helping those in need. But when he is enraged, he completely loses control."

"I don't believe you."

"Let's just say that gash on my face from the Adler case was not put there by her."

"You started it! Not to mention, you asked for it!"

"What else has he done?"

"Thrown the Gollum to a wall in our second encounter, almost strangled Moriarty, broke a few of our more violent culprits bones, stabbed the Cluedo board to the wall, not to mention adding bullet holes to the circle around the yellow smiley face in the living room. And that's only the top five most memorable outbursts he has had!"

"Okay then …"

"Come on General Fury, what's the case? Tony here is getting unmanageable!"

"Ha! As if I'd dare to be unmanageable while living with the Hulk for a flat mate!"

* * *

-John thinks too highly of you, you're more like Loki, the mischievous trouble maker who has a talent for wreaking havoc. MH

-And pray tell who are you then brother dear? SH

-Thor, obviously. MH

-Ha, I would have agreed with it if you could have been bothered to get off of you bum more often! SH

-Well I'm the one who gets you out of trouble! MH

-So if you're Thor and I'm Loki, does this mean I'm adopted? SH

-OK Mycroft, that's enough, you're irritating him. JW

-Sherlock, stop playing that funeral dirge! JW

-You're not adopted, stop being melodramatic! MH

-I'll have to hear it from Mommy herself. SH

-You wouldn't dare! MH

-And you told me to act like a grown up! You two are acting like a couple of preteen kids! JW

-If you're not my real brother then why do you keep sticking your nose in my business? SH

-You'd better apologize Mycroft, he's now playing the theme song for Schiendler's List ! JW

-You're not my mother John! MH

-Don't make me come down there! JW

-Apologies brother, as you so eloquently put it, it was a stupid analogy from the very beginning. MH

-Of course it was! You're more Oden than Thor. SH

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**Thanks to all those who read, reviewed, faved and followed, it means a lot! I take requests. Next up is a Halloween special! :D**


	10. Halloween

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

**For Peaceful Defender, who first suggested the idea and supplied the idea for Anderon's costume and the reason for it! Also thanks to Ennui Enigma for pushing me to finish it! Also a big thank you to my dear sister for helpin me with the rest of the costumes, you're the best! ;)**

* * *

"So, Sherlock, what are you going to wear for the Halloween costume party?"

"For the what? I thought you were here for another one of your "drugs busts" Lestrade!"

"Have you nicked any evidence recently?"

"…"

"You know what, don't answer that, I don't want to know."

"So you are all here on a social call? Why?" Sherlock looked puzzled

"Would you believe it that we missed you?" Lestrade ventured.

"No!"

"Would you believe it that we're here to ask you about your Halloween costume?"

"No!"

"We're here to borrow your skull for the decorations freak!" Sally finally shot.

"Of course, and that term of endearment immensely helps with my compliance! Put it down Anderson, I haven't given permission for you to take it!"

"Nice going Sargent!" Lestrade muttered.

"Can we borrow the skull for tonight please?" Sally tried again.

"John, they want to take away Yorik for a sleep over, is it alright with you?"

"Why sure, since you asked so nicely Sally. Let me go and pack his overnight bag!" then John snorted. "By the way, what are you planning to wear for the party Greg?"

"Judge Dredd."

"Nah, it doesn't fit your character, you're not stuck up enough!"

"Do you have any suggestions John?"

"I don't know… some authoritative character with a wry sense of humor. Let me check the web, see if I can come up with something."

"Sure, take your time."

"Aha, got it! How about J from Men in Black?"

"J? Nah, I prefer K, he's got all the good stuff."

"There you go!"

"Hey fr-Sherlock, how about you go as a vampire, you fit the profile well!"

"How about you go as the wicked witch of the west in the wizard of Oz?"

"Okay kids, break it off." Lestrade interjected.

"Sherlock, you have to go and sue for royalties!" John exclaimed with mock panic. He then turned his laptop toward Sherlock "The costume designers of "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" ripped of your look!"

Greg leaned in to look at the movie poster on the computer screen. "Great, you don't even have to dress up; you can come as you are!"

"And it fits your character so well, running around with weird crowds." Anderson shot.

John briefly glared at him, and then smirked. "You know Anderson, you'd make a great zombie…"

"Yes, and it fits you so well, since zombies seek brains for nourishment as they lack them, just like you!"

"…"

Lestrade sighed "You had it coming Anderson."

John turned and looked at Sally.

"Bride of Frankenstein." John raised his eyebrows, Sally shrugged "All I need is a white dress and I don't even need to do my hair, I'll let it go wild."

"Good choice!" John nodded, impressed.

"So what about you John?" Lestrade asked.

"Um, I haven't decided yet…"

"Jack from Twilight" Sally suggested

"No way!"

"Robin Hood" Greg supplied.

"I won't be caught dead in tights!"

"Robocop!" said Anderson

John slapped his forehead. "I'll Just throw a sheet over my head and go as a ghost!"

"NO!" everyone shouted at once.

"Harry Potter"

"Obi-wan Kenobi

"Indiana Jones."

"Wait, that's not half bad!" John said with a raised hand.

"Sure, and it fits you too, the traveling adventurer who won't give up on his quest." Sherlock added.

"And the costume is decent and easy to put together, do you happen to have-"

"I've got a whip right next to my riding crop!"

"It's settled then!" John said with a smile.

Everyone punched the air in triumph "Cheers!"

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**Thanks for reading. Reviws make my day! Next chapter, in the library, with a surprise!**


	11. Detective fiction

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

**This chapter is a bit metafictional!**

* * *

"So, Sherlock, what do you gather from this guy's library?"

"He's a bibliophile with a touch of obsessiveness. It seems he has collected every book written by the authors of his choice and has put them in alphabetical order. Observe the "D" section. Dickens, Dickenson- what are you doing John?"

"The title of this book by Mr. Doyle caught my attention. _The Lost World_, I wonder what it is about."

"Put it back John, the pattern might reveal a clue the victim might have left behind."

"The books of Mr. Doyle are all in the correct order, I checked. You might want to go look at the King shelf, I think _The Shining_ was placed after _Rage_ or something."

"John, those are not in any way alphabetically related."

"No Sherlock, and they are not chronologically correct either."

"You know all of Stephen King's books in chronological order?"

"Of course not, Greg! I looked at the labels, he has his own system of organizing the books, and the publication dates are a part of that system."

"Impressive John, you are improving!" and with that, Sherlock was gone.

"You just made that up didn't you?"

"The labeling system, no. The books being out of place, yes!"

"You're becoming more devious John, should I be worried?"

"No, go stand guard while I take a look at these books." John turned and looked at Lestrade "What are doing in the "C" shelf?"

"This guy has all of Agatha Christie's books! This is fantastic, he's got the first edition of _Curtain_, can you believe it?"

"Greg? Standing guard? Remember?"

"Oh, right." Then after a few seconds Greg asked "So, what's _The_ _Lost World_ about?"

"A bunch of people that have discovered some dinosaurs."

"You're not planning on nicking the book now, are you?"

"It's published in 1912, I can find the pdf version of it on the internet. Besides, it's evidence, and you're a cop, what on earth made you think I'd do such a stupid thing Greg?"

"I don't know. Sherlock seems to have been rubbing off a lot on you. He picks my pocket, so nicking a book from a few thousand book library kinda pales in comparison."

"Okay… nice of you to think so highly of me! Weren't you supposed to go stand watch while I take a look at these books?"

"Alright, what else has this collector got from Mr. Doyle?"

"Let me see, the letters on this volume has faded a bit, it says The Adventures of- I can't read the name,"

"Can't you make out anything?"

"I can recognize an S, an R, a C and K, The next name-"

"Very clever John. Sending me off to the "K" section, which is conveniently around the bend of the library!"

"You were itching to go and look at the "P" section yourself Sherlock, I can't see why you're complaining!"

"What's in the "P" section?"

"Edgar Allan Poe, his favorite author. He even has a picture of him in his room."

"Really? So you're interested in detective fiction as well? That's great! We can start a book club." Lestrade was ecstatic.

"It depends who is going to be in the club, if Anderson is going to be there I'm not going to join. I can't handle that level of stupidity in my leisure time as well!"

"He's getting more and more like you Sherlock, what have you done?"

* * *

**This happens after my other story "221 Boo!",that's why John is annoyed with Anderson, in case you were wondering...**


	12. Dracula

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

**For Johnsarmylady who asked for Dracula and gave me a push to finish it!**

**This conversation is taking place in a café. **

* * *

"So, Mr. Sherlock, have you read Bram Stoker's _Dracula_?"

"Hello Kallie, why is it that you Lestrades ask these questions from me?"

"I don't know, it's a family trait I suppose! So, have you read it?"

"No, I was never interested in such second rate classics. Ask John, he might be able to help you."

"Hey Dr. John, Have you read _Dracula_?"

"Hi Kallie. No I haven't, why are you asking?"

"Our English teacher told us to pick a classic novel to write a paper on and I was wondering if _Dracula_ is a good choice."

"Let me guess, you're a fan of vampire fics, and you thought to stick to them in your assignment as well."

"Holy cow, your spot on! So, any ideas? Maybe I can compare it to the 1992 movie or something?"

"NO! Not the movie!"

"Why not?"

"I've seen the movie-" John was struggling to find words.  
"And he regretted the two hours he spent on it" Sherlock finished for him.

"Thank you Sherlock." Then John turned to Kallie. "It was one of the cheesiest movies I've had the misfortune to watch."

"So why did you watch the whole thing?" Kallie was confused

"Don't know what possessed me…" John mused.

"Jennet." Sherlock supplied.

"No, it wasn't her…"

"Celeste?"

"Who?"

"Oh you hadn't had a Celeste yet, um, Margaret?" Sherlock ventured again.

"No, she wasn't a big movies fan…"

"I remember it was in October, ah, Juliet!"

"Yup, that's the one! Anyway, it's not worth the time and effort."

"But it was directed by Francis Ford Coppola!" Kallie was incredulous

"I know; that's one of the main reasons it was so devastating for me!"

"It's true! He was whining about his disappointment for a whole day."

"First of all Sherlock, I didn't whine, I complained. Second, at least I ended it in a day, unlike some people who go on and on and on and-"

"Okay John, I got the point."

"I'm about done- and on and on and on and on about how disappointing a case was and then after that they go on and on and on and on about how bored they are until the next case arrives."

"Are you quite done?"

"For now."

"But Dr. John, there must have been something about the movie you liked. I mean the lead was Gary Oldman-"

"Over the top melodramatic acting!"

"Keanu Reeves?

"I had to control myself not to reenact Agent Smith's part."

"Who?" Sherlock was confused

"Which part?" Kallie was interested.

John raised his hand, pointing two fingers at the empty seat in front of him, as if it was a gun and with a serious tone said "Goodbye Mr. Anderson."

"But I just got here!" whined Anderson who had just entered the café.

"If I had to make an analogy, he'd be that loony Renfield guy in the asylum." John deadpanned.

"What are you on about?" Anderson was confused.

Sherlock let out a frustrated sigh "Goodbye Anderson!"

"No Mister?" And he left when he saw the look on everyone's faces that screamed "Moron!"

"Do I dare to push the subject?" Kallie asked sheepishly.

"Actually, come to think of it, Anthony Hopkins' performance made the whole thing bearable. My favorite character was Van Helsing."

"What was he like?"

"He was intelligent, rude, tactless and brutally honest. He was rather eccentric. There was this scene in a crowded restaurant where he describes the process of slaying vampire Lucy with all the disturbing details in a loud voice for Mina with no regard for her or the other patron's sensibilities."

"That reminds me of someone!" Kallie said giggling.

"Exactly, that's why I liked him." John said with a smile.

Lestrade burst into the café "Sherlock, we need your help, there's been a-" he looked around the café "Any way, you should come."

"We'll come after you in a cab." Sherlock replied.

"And there goes Dr. Seward." Said John

"Isn't that the one who managed the asylum?" Kallie asked.

"Yup, that's the guy!"

"So, should I work on Dracula?" Kallie ventured.

"Consider some other books if you still have time." John suggested. "_Dracula_ is no _Twilight_."

"Come _on_ John! _Hurry_ _up_!"

"Okay Sherlock, _stake_ it easy!"

* * *

**If you are a Dracula fan, or the 1992 movie's fan, I apologies. Just like John I haven't read the book and I watched the movie, hoping to get inspiration for a chapter to post for Bram Stoker's 165****th**** birthday. My opinion is the same as John's!**


	13. Frankenstein

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**For johnsarmylady, thanks for the push! I hope you like it! ;)**

**Sorry for the delay everyone, writer's block is a "Monster". :(**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

* * *

**At the flat in 221B**

"So, Sherlock, it's a hot summer we're having this year, isn't it?"

"Seriously, Lestrade, _the weather_?"

"What's wrong with the weather?" John asked.

"The weather is tedious!"

"It's quite unpredictable actually…" Lestrade mused.

"Well if you're so fascinated by the weather, why didn't you become a meteorologist instead of a detective inspector?"

"Sherlock, I think he's trying to tell us something!" John told him with exaggerated attentiveness to Greg's face.

Lestrade smirked "This hot weather can cause dehydration, you know." He said slightly louder than his usual volume and slower than his normal speed of talking.

"You don't say." Sherlock said blandly.

"There is beer in the fridge, if you care for any." John indicated the fridge with his head.

"Bless you!" Lestrade said gratefully.

"Don't mention- WAIT!" John cut Greg midway to the fridge. "I mean, uh, where are my manners? Let me get it for you." John added a bit too politely.

Lestrade accepted the beer, still a bit shaken by John's reaction. "Um, thanks."

"You're welcome!" John said a little high-pitched.

Greg sipped his beer. "What's in the fridge John?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Beer, milk, butter, a few apples, and some Chinese left overs."

"Aha, what else?"

"You don't want to know." John dead panned.

"I think I do." Greg made to move towards the fridge.

"Fine, but it's your appetite's funeral." John said, and then left the room in a hurry.

Greg opened the fridge's door, looked inside, closed it, opened it again, closed it again, and then turned to Sherlock. "Why do have a full human arm in the fridge, Sherlock?"

"It's an experiment."

"It's holding an apple!"

"Your point?"

"You have a human arm holding-" Lestrade saw the indifferent look on Sherlock's face "Oh, never mind!"

"You weren't this squeamish before Lestrade."

"Your _experiments_ weren't so disgusting before! What does John say to these-these _monstrosities_ in the fridge?"

"Compared to the severed head he found in there, these are quite pleasant."

"A severed-? What are trying to do, create a life form Dr. Frankenstein?"

Sherlock's eyes glinted mischievously behind his microscope "No, after that colossal failure the previous time, I don't think I'll attempt that certain experiment ever again!"

"What? What are you on about?"

"I made a humanoid by using _spare parts_ from the morgue, but it was a massive failure." Sherlock said while hiding a smirk.

Lestrade was incredulous. "How so?"

"I managed to make a male humanoid with a normal size and passable appearance, with the aid of modern scientific equipment and all. But it was repulsively stupid, so I ran away from the room. When I returned, the creature was gone!" Sherlock finished dramatically.

Lestrade caught on to the joke "Did he seek you out later?"

"Yes, and he has been exacting his revenge by constantly getting in my way in the crime scenes and annoying me to no end with his unfortunate stupidity!"

"But wasn't Victor Frankenstein's monster intelligent?"

"Apparently due to its large size, the brain used for the body was equally as large, hence the high intellect despite the reanimated brain. Smaller body means a smaller brain, so the reanimated brain has less than average intellect."

"Did your creature demand a mate from you?"

"Oh no, he was quite capable of finding that on his own. In fact, he is so adept in this area that he has two at the same time!"

Lestrade was trying not to burst out laughing. "I didn't put you down as a joking type!"

"Yes, well, apparently John is robbing off on me." Sherlock said with a smile.

John returned to the living room. Just then the sky got covered by a thick layer of clouds and lighting flashed across it.

"What did I say? Unpredictable weather!" Greg said waving at the window.

"It's too dark, I can't see the specimens. John, flick the switch!"

John rolled his eyes "Yes _master_!"

* * *

**I tried to fit in some of Frankenstein's clichés. Bonus if you get who's the monster!**

**Reviews make my day!**

**Next up, the three musketeers...**


	14. The Three Musketeers

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter! Here are the names of those who got the identity of Frankenstein's monster: elmo98, peaceful defender, johnsarmylady, book girl fan, and Ennui Enigma. Congradulations to all of you, you're all winners!**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

* * *

**At Bart's Lab:**

"So, Sherlock, you have to come to the station to give your full statement, alright?"

"Fine Lestrade! By the way, why has my brother suddenly started calling me _happy chappy_?

"Er…I don't know!"

"This has started after the last time brother dearest kidnapped you, what happened?"

"Well… I assume you don't know Disney's "The three Caballeros"…"

"You assumed correctly."

"Well, after I heard John got rid of Mycroft by singing a parody of "Poor thing" from Sweeny Todd, I might have had a go at parodying myself."

"How did that happen?"

"Mycroft asked me how were you and John doing and if we all got along on the crime scenes."

"And you burst into song, comparing us to three cartoonish birds?" John interjected.

"I couldn't help it, it just came out!" Greg protested.

"Couldn't you have compared us to, I don't know, the three musketeers or something?" John asked, exasperated.

"Next time I'll sing "the Beauty and the Beast" theme song, then I'll sit back and enjoy the show!" Greg retorted. "Although, come to think of it, the three musketeers is a great analogy."

"Of course it is, it's almost as if it's made for us!" John said brightly.

"I didn't find the books in the flat or the pdf files on your computer, when did you read them John?" Sherlock was curious.

"Oh, it was way before I met you. It was in the summer before my junior year. I just picked up a volume and started reading it." John related. "Never finished the series though, ha, might as well download and finish them…" he mused.

"Sure thing Aramis, if you manage to find the time between the surgery, cases and dating!" Greg teased.

"I'm Aramis?"

"Sure, you're the lady's man here!" Greg said brightly.

"Yes, a rather unfortunate side-effect of your good humor and nice manners." Sherlock said in a reluctant tone.

"How about you D'Artagnan, have you read the books as well?" Greg asked

"Why am I D'Artanan? John is the latest addition to our team, not me!"

"That's easy, you're the one who makes every person he meets want to punch him! Which translates into dueling in the seventeenth century." Greg said smoothly.

"You're the one who always starts a wild adventure." John supplied.

"Not that you mind it!" Sherlock replied acidly.

John snorted. "Of course I don't! None of the musketeers did. Like me, they enjoyed it!"

"…Oh!"

"And you always come up with crazy, daring plans" Lestrade continued.

"Don't forget the disguises! Remember that case where he made me wear a moustache and pose as a sales man to distract the suspect while you searched for the stolen canary?" John pointed out.

"Like the part where the characters had to cut their hair to fit in with puritan England." Greg exclaimed.

"I still can't believe you sold 200 pounds worth of bird seed to that man." Sherlock interjected.

"Well I manage to persuade you to eat on a regular basis!"

"True!"

"Exactly, don't underestimate Aramis' persuasive powers D'Artanian!" Greg said while patting John on the shoulder. "If only he could manage to force some manners in you…"

"He did, I'm a lot politer than before!"

"No, you have an intermediator who translates your insults into polite phrases."

"Come on Greg, give him a break! He has improved a lot over these years; he just loses it around _some_ people."

"Yes my dear Athos, give me leave to lose my temper around the Cardinal's guards!" Sherlock said while turning away and giving his coat a dramatic flourish.

"I'm Athos?" Lestrade was surprised.

"Sure, you're the fatherly older member of the group who took D'Artagnan under his wing." John supplied.

"Wasn't that Monsieur de Treville?"

"If you insist on splitting hairs, yes. But Athos joined in the adventures as well, like you do." John replied.

"Yes, I even have the cheating wife to match the analogy."

"Um…Let's not get into the relationship analogies, they're too complicated, okay?" John was a bit uncomfortable.

"I agree, I can't find Constance Bonacieux and Milady de Winter in my life." Sherlock mused.

"Sure…have you seen Molly lately?" Lestrade asked with a smirk.

"As a matter of fact I did. I saw her at the morgue yesterday, why do you ask?"

Lestrade looked at Sherlock meaningfully. "Is there something you want to tell me Lestrade?"

"I give up!"

"All we need is an appearance from Cardinal Richelieu." John said with a wry smile.

*Ping*

"It's mine" John informed them.

-It's interesting that Ms. Adler's end was just like Milady's. MH

John spluttered.

"It's from Mycroft, isn't it?" John nodded "What did he say" John looked up, lost for what to tell Sherlock "Did he give a retort about the analogy? Because it fits!"

"Oh you don't know how right you are!" John said with relief.

"What about Porthos?" Sherlock suddenly asked.

John gasped, "We don't have a Porthos? How can this be? We can't have the three musketeers without Porthos!" He finished with exaggerated despair.

"Listen up every one!" Greg announced to the room at large. The two lab technicians in the room stopped and turned to face him. "We're looking for a Porthos. We need to find one quick!" The rookies stared at him with a blank look.

"Some musketeers you found!" John said sarcastically.

Just then Mike Stamford entered the lab. "Hi every one! I didn't expect to see you all here. How's it going ...Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"How about…?" Lestrade asked.

"Happy go lucky, cheerful, pays attention to his clothes, well to do wife…" Sherlock listed .

"_Perfect_!" John said while rubbing his hands.

"Am I missing something here?" Mike asked uncertainly.

"PORTHOS!" the trio exclaimed.

"Ok, so the gang's complete, now what?" Asked Greg.

"Um, we can go for drinks?" Mike supplied.

"All for drinks and drinks for all!" Lestrade exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Yup, great idea, let's pick up Constance on our way and go!" said John.

"Who's Constance?" asked Sherlock

John looked at him, "You're hopeless!"

* * *

**Just a little reminder of the female characters in the book:**

**Milady de Winter was the wife of Lord de Winter, then she abandoned him and married Athos, but Athos found out and sort of left her. She also had a fling with D'Artagnan. At the end of the first volume she is beheaded. I know, pretty messed up, right?**

**Constance is a woman D'Artagnan falls in love with. In the beginning of the book she's plucky and sarcastic and pushes D'Artagnan away , but at the end she's meek and all lovey-dovey over him. The critics are still baffled by this extreme shift in her character! **

**The song parodies in the beginning of the conversation can be found in my other fic "Death by Negligence", if you're interested.**

**Funny how the conversation wouldn't come, and then I had to struggle to make them stop! That's writer's block removing for me!**

**Reviews are highly appreciated! :D**


	15. Due South

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**For Jack63kids who requested 'Due South'. It used to my obsession in my early teen years, along with the rest of the girls in my school back then, and every female I still encounter! **

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

* * *

**In Bart's Lab**

"So, Sherlock, what's with the red coat?"

"It was for a case!"

"He wore it so he could go into the Canadian embassy unnoticed and investigate for the case."

"How did it go?"

"Fine Lestrade, thanks for asking."

"Really? Then why do you look so flustered all of a sudden, Sherlock?" Lestrade turned to John "Come on John, spill! It must have been really bad, otherwise you wouldn't be snickering like that."

"Oh, the case went fine. It was what happened after the case that was hilarious!"

"Oh, for the love of-" Sherlock muttered agitatedly.

John grinned "You know how Sherlock always interrupts my dates?"

"Yes, it's become kind of proverbial in the yard!"

"Have I told you about my cousin Luna?"

Lestrade thought for a moment then it hit him "Oh, ya, I remember! Wasn't she going to meet up with you sometime around this week?"

"Yes, we met today."

The penny dropped for Lestrade, "Sherlock interrupted you."

"Yes, he did."

"And cousin Luna left in a huff."

"Ah, no." John smiled mischievously, "This is where it gets interesting!"

"I can't believe I didn't see the family resemblance!" Sherlock wailed.

"Didn't you tell Sherlock about this family meeting?"

"I did! Every day for the last month!" John said exasperated.

"He didn't listen."

"He didn't listen." John concurred. "Lucky for me, Cousin Luna is a good reader and listener, so she was completely prepared for Sherlock when he barged in the café. What she wasn't prepared for was the red coat."

"She called me Benny!" Sherlock said in a mortified tone.

Lestrade looked at John. "Who's Benny?"

"Apparently my dear cousin and her flat mate recently rediscovered their teenage years' obsession. It's a Canadian series about an RCMP officer who comes to Chicago along with his wolf and ends up helping the Chicago PD. What was the name of the series? 'From North'? 'Due North'?"

"'Due South'!"

"Yup, that's the one! Have you seen it?"

"No, but Kallie's got obsessed with it recently. She won't stop raving about it. I suggest you don't let her see you like that Sherlock, or I won't be responsible for what she does!"

"We'd have to pry her off of you with a crow bar!" John sniggered.

"But she knows me! What could possibly induce her to act any differently around me?"

"Well, Sherlock, let's take a look at the facts." Lestrade said in a mock solemn tone. "You're over six feet tall, you have blue eyes and black hair and you're wearing it combed back. Not to mention you're wearing the RCMP uniform."

"So?"

"So," John handed him his mobile phone with the search results "As you can observe, you currently have a striking resemblance to the main protagonist of the show, Constable Benton Fraser!" Sherlock took the phone.

"In addition to that, you're observational and deduction skills mirror Fraser's unconventional tracking skills." John went on.

"If it wasn't for your complete lack of manners and your total disregard of protocol, you could be his twin!" Greg continued.

"Don't forget the fact that almost every female officer who has worked with him hates his guts as well." John said cheerfully.

Sherlock scrutinized the photo on the mobile screen and then smirked "Well John, I don't think you'd be safe from an obsessed teenager either."

"Oh, and why is that?"

Greg looked at John appraisingly "You're wearing a white jumper and a gray coat."

"Care to elaborate Greg?"

Lestrade was fighting to contain his laughter, "Those are the colorings of Diefenbaker!"

"Ah, okay!"

"Wait, you're not offended that you've just been compared to a wild dog?" Greg asked with astonishment.

"He's a wolf! I'm wearing clothes that resemble the fur of a wolf, so?" John replied calmly.

"It goes a bit deeper than that!" Lestrade chuckled.

Sherlock was reading from the mobile's screen "He's the second main character. Diefenbaker is also at times Fraser's moral compass. He's fiercely loyal to and protective of Fraser, has selective hearing and is sarcastic. In addition to those, he's quite a skirt chaser in his own right-"

"Which Fraser strongly disapproves of and tries to hinder" Lestrade interjects.

"And has the tendency to leave the house in a huff when displeased with Fraser." Sherlock finished.

John was looking at them suspiciously "You didn't happen to make all of that up, now did you?"

"We can go and ask our expert down at the café." Greg offered.

"No, thanks!" John and Sherlock said in unison.

"So what's the case Detective Vecchio?"

"Well, we have a-" Greg was cut off by Molly and a striking red head DI with bright green eyes entering the lab.

Molly looked up and froze as she saw Sherlock. Her companion tried to stifle a fit of girlish giggles.

"Text me the details Lestrade." Sherlock said and hurriedly left the lab, trying to mess up his hair as he went. John made to follow.

The red-headed DI finally managed to control her giggling. She then turned to John "Nice Jumper."

"It's white!" John could have kicked himself in the head!

The DI smiled and offered him his card "I'm Maggie, Call me, won't you?"

John smiled as well "Sure-"

Sherlock grabbed John's arm and pulled him away "Come on John, time to go!"

* * *

**I changed the part about Diefenbaker from Wikipedia to make it fit my purpose! Doesn't mean it's not true...**

**reviews are highly appreciated!**


	16. Pride and Prejudice

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is by Kallie Lestrade.**

**For Jack63kids, Happy Birthday! I bet you didn't expect this analogy!**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

* * *

**At the café**

"So, Mr. Sherlock, have you read 'Pride and Prejudice'?"

"Is this about you're term project for English?"

"Jane Austin is an excellent choice, Kallie! You have a lot of material to help you with your paper as well."

"That's what I thought, Dr. John. But our teacher told me to do a character study. She said that I should write a description of the characters as if they were real people that I know."

"Hah!" John managed to say.

"That's certainly a creative twist. I wish my teacher had given me an assignment like that in school, then I could have described Mycroft as one of the nasty characters in my book of choice!" Sherlock had a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"Sherlock, that's brilliant! You can describe the people you know around you and fit them to the book's characters, Kallie!"

"Like you and Uncle Greg usually do!"

"Exactly!"

"Great, this is going to be the most fun project I have ever had!" Kallie exclaimed. "Okay, so let me see, which character should I write first?"

"Don't over-think it, Kallie," John offered. "It'll be easier if you fit the person to the character than the other way around."

"How so?"

"Describe your Uncle Greg."

"Well, he's a nice man, he is ethical and tolerant, he gets along with Mr. Sherlock, so I'd say _very_ tolerant, and that also means he's easy going as well."

"Okay, so which character in the book is like that?" John prompted.

"Mr. Bennet! He's an intelligent man with an easy going nature."

"Who is surrounded by a lot of idiots!" Sherlock interjected.

"He's also trapped in a horrid marriage!" Kallie said enthusiastically. Then realization hit her "Oh my God! That was bad; don't tell Uncle Greg I said that!"

"We won't." John assured her.

"You're safe as long as your uncle doesn't read your assignment!" Sherlock told her.

"Okay, thanks." Kallie was relieved. "Moving on! Let me see, Anderson can be Mr. Collins. He's pompous, doesn't know when to stop talking-"

"Amen to that!" muttered John.

"-Isn't the brightest bulb in the chandelier-"

"That's putting it mildly!" Sherlock interjected.

"-And is generally on the nerve. I think it's a great fit."

"We have a winner!" John exclaimed.

Kallie wrote it down in her notebook. "Ok, let's see, we have Sargent Donovan."

"Lydia." Sherlock suggested.

"No, she's not exactly an air head. She's rude and arrogant, but she's not silly." John replied

"Oh, I've got it! Miss Bingley, Mr. Bingley's obnoxious sister." Kallie said excitedly. "This is so fun! Too bad I don't have enough people to fit all of the book's characters. How about Miss Molly? She's shy and sweet, like Georgiana Darcy."

"You're getting the hang of this pretty quickly, Kallie!" John said amiably.

"Oh ya, I'm on the role here! Mr. Sherlock is like Elizabeth Bennet and you're like Jane Bennet."

"What?!" John and Sherlock exclaimed in unison.

"It's a great fit. I need to tweak the descriptions a bit, but that's literature for you."

"What on earth induced you to make those analogies?" Sherlock asked incredulously.

"In case you hadn't noticed, we lack a very important characteristic to fit the description. We're not girls!" John was annoyed.

Kallie cleared her throat "Allow me to explain. Mr. Sherlock is intelligent; he's witty and has a sharp tongue. He gathers a frightening amount of information on his first meeting with people. We can say he relies on his first impression of people. He also has a total disregard for social conventions and does things his own way."

"You're not going to use our names in your paper, are you?" Sherlock asked tentatively.

"No, I'm only describing the book's characters, I won't be naming any names."

"I still don't think I fit Jane's description." John objected.

"Between the two of you, you're the mild mannered and polite one. Jane calmed Lizzie down when she was agitated. She is patient and tries to see the good in people."

"You're only using one side of my character." John muttered.

"Besides, you two act like brothers already, you're a perfect fit for the sisters!"

John started laughing "I should go and ask Sally if she has a sister for me!"

"Don't even joke about it John!" Sherlock said alarmed.

John was laughing harder. "I should keep an eye on you to make sure a Ms. Wickham wouldn't charm you!"

Sherlock snorted "What next? You're going to find a Ms. Darcy for me?"

Kallie giggled "this is going to be a great essay, thanks guys!"

"Glad to be of service!" Sherlock said with a smirk.

*Ping*

-_Get in the car, this is important. _MH

Sherlock snorted. "Come along John, we have been summoned by Lady Catherine de Bourgh!"


	17. A Christmas Carol

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade, or someone with that last name!**

**For Johnsarmylady who requested Dickens' ****_A_****_Christmas Carol_****, Benny is for MLC. I hope you'll pull through these hard times.**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, or any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

* * *

**At Mycroft's house:**

"So, Sherlock, are you enjoying the party?"

"Um…let me think…NO!"

"Cheer up Sherlock, it's a new year's party, have a little fun!" John nudged him.

"How do you expect me to have _fun_ at Mycroft's house, John?"

"It's a party, what does it matter whose house it is, Sherlock?"

"I don't exactly call a gathering of four people a party." Sherlock muttered.

"Thank goodness for that. You three are the least irritating people I know, therefore I wouldn't exact too big of a revenge on you." Mycroft drawled.

"I suddenly regret this idea!" Lestrade piped.

"It was your idea? What on earth induced you to arrange such a thing?" Mycroft demanded.

"Yes Lestrade, do enlighten us!" Sherlock backed Mycroft up.

"Well, I kinda felt bad that you spent Christmas all by yourself, so I thought to do something so neither you nor John and Sherlock would spend the new year alone." Lestrade said sheepishly.

"Careful there, Greg, people might start to talk!" John snickered.

"Why? What for?" Greg was confused.

"…No reason, forget I ever said it!"

"So why do you spend Christmases alone?" Lestrade asked Mycroft.

"I don't like Christmas."

"Why? It's great! There's turkey and pudding and stuffing-"

"That's Christmas dinner, I spend it with mummy." Mycroft cut him off.

"Well, you don't have any decorations, like a tree or mistletoes-"

"Don't bring up the mistletoes!" Sherlock snorted.

"Why?" Greg was curious.

"Should I tell him brother dear?"

"Great, now I know who ghost of Christmas past is!" Mycroft said sarcastically.

"Ah, this is getting interesting! Take us to the past Sherlock; let us take a glimpse into the past Christmases of the British government." John said excitedly.

"If you say anything, I'll pull a prank so severe you won't be able to leave your flat for a whole month!" Mycroft threatened.

"Oh, come on Mycroft, don't be such a spoil sport! We all have mistletoe misfortune tales, right Greg?" John turned to Lestrade.

"I could write a book about mine!" Greg agreed.

"I'm sure Sherlock doesn't have any." Mycroft said with a knowing smirk.

"Oh, you'd be surprised brother dear!"

"No! You?" Mycroft asked incredulously.

"I just had an odd flashback!" Sherlock shook his head "Yes, in fact, I had several of them, Just this Christmas- how about we trade, hmm?"

"We'll all tell one Mycroft!" John encouraged.

"Here's the deal, John, you tell us Sherlock's mishap and then Sherlock can tell mine." Mycroft offered.

"Okay! So, it was a cold snowy Christmas eve and-"

"Cut the poetry John! Just tell the incident and get it over with." Sherlock snapped.

"Oh for the love of-John's Cousin Luna kissed Sherlock under the mistletoe." Greg blurted out.

"I think I preferred the poetry." Mycroft said wistfully.

"Well, he ruined the ending, there's no use for me to tell it now!" John said dismayed.

"The end of all these stories are the same, they all occur _under the mistletoe_ after all." Mycroft amended.

"He wanted to kiss a girl he had a crush on under the mistletoe when he was thirteen, but slipped and fell down!" Sherlock blurted out.

Mycroft glared at him. He opened his mouth but John cut him off "That happened to me too! I ended up grabbing her shoulder to steady myself but we both ended up on the ground!"

"Ha! You were lucky. I ended up in the punch bowl!" Greg supplied after him.

"That was quite the punch line for you, eh?" John said in between giggles.

"I wish Mrs. Hudson could come, we didn't bring any snacks." Greg said ruefully.

"Woo hoo! Happy new year!"

"Mrs. Hudson! Happy new year!" All four replied.

"I thought you went to that party with your friends." Sherlock told her with a smile.

"I did. Then I snuck out. It was so boring there, I'll have a far better time with you lot. I brought snacks!"

"Mrs. H, you're a saint!" John said relieved.

"Ghost of Christmas present." Mycroft murmured.

"Is it only us? I thought there would be more people. Where is your cousin Luna John? She was a nice girl." Mrs. Hudson chattered.

"She's at her mom's house." John replied.

"Shame, she was a very spirited girl, it would have been nice to have her and her friend."

Sherlock choked on his drink.

"Mrs. Hudson, would you care to elaborate on this cousin Luna?" Mycroft coaxed.

"She was very charming and friendly, I quite liked her. For some odd reason Sherlock kept avoiding her, until she surprised Sherlock under the mistletoe. Who's Benny by the way?"

"_That_, is a long story." Greg answered.

"A _very_ long story!" Sherlock mumbled.

"Why don't you write it in your blog John?" Mycroft suggested.

"I would, but I'm afraid _some_ people might want to hunt me down after it!" John said nonchalantly.

"Will it explain why Sherlock kept avoiding Luna?" Mrs. Hudson asked curiously.

"No need to wait for the blog, Mrs. Hudson. In a nut shell, Luna pursued him a little too forcefully at their first meeting in order to get rid of him, but she found his extreme reaction amusing and kept the gag running." John summarized.

"It's not funny." Sherlock whined.

"Relax, she's not really interested in you, she just wanted to make her friend jealous so that she'll work up the courage to come after you herself."

"Really?" Sherlock asked with horror.

"This is so much more fun than the yard's party!" Greg snickered

"Indeed!" Mycroft agreed.

"Tell him the truth John, I can't take it any longer!" Greg was doubled over laughing.

"She was just teasing you, nothing more!"

"Thank goodness." Sherlock let out a sigh of relief.

"Ya, she is coming over though, she has a huge crush on Mycroft." John continued.

Mycroft spluttered "Really?"

*Ping*

-_Better seize the chance or you'll end up old and childless!_ Mommy

"And ghost of Christmas Yet to come!" Mycroft sighed dejectedly.

"Good one John! I haven't seen him blush so hard since he was thirteen. Maybe we'll persuade Cousin Luna to kiss Mycroft next year!" Sherlock said gleefully.

"Hopefully it'll be uneventful." Greg supplied.

"She is an event all by herself!" Mrs. Hudson said with a giggle.

"Yes, very amusing. Thanks for providing the entertainment tiny Tim!" Mycroft shot at John.

"I'll let your cheap shot at my height slide, it's new year and this is your house after all. But just this once!" John said amicably.

"Oh, there's the count down!" Mrs. Hudson said excitedly.

"5…4…3…2…1…"

"Happy new year!"

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**Refer to the "Due South" chapter to see who Benny is! Mycroft has already pulled a prank on the due in my other story "Snowballs!" chapter 2, if you're interested.**


	18. Snoopy

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.**

**For CHiKa-RoXy who suggested Charlie Brown. What can I say, the inspiration hit me and I had to work out the conversation's direction...**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these storie**s.

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**At Scotland Yard:**

"So, Sherlock, what do you think of the missing sapphire? It was-"

"The maid did it, boring! What else have you got?"

"Do you have any fresh murders for him, Greg? At this rate he'll solve the entire cold case archive and there won't be any left for later!" John pleaded.

"Sorry John, we don't have anything like that at the moment. So, Sherlock, what about this mysterious dog footprints case? Take a look at the file."

"Lestrade, real-"

"Oh, look. It's Snoopy and Woodstock! The dog case is right up your alley." Sally said with a smirk as she passed by.

"Who's Snoopy?" Sherlock asked.

"That…is a long story." Lestrade said and then sighed. "How can I relay this fast enough for you to follow…"

"He's a character in a comic strip and animated series called _Peanuts_." John interjected "He's a cute black and white beagle dog. Woodstock is a little yellow bird who's his friend. There's a certain character I have in mind for our _dear_ Donoven…"

"Good grief, not you too, John! This argument is never going to stop." Greg was pinching the bridge of his nose.

John and Sherlock began to giggle.

"What are you two giggling about? What devious pranks are you two planning?"

"Take a look Charlie Brown!" John turned the lap top on Lestrade's desk towards him "It's priceless!"

Lestrade bent down and looked at the comic on his lap top screen. It was a panel showing Charlie Brown being flung in the air while clutching Snoopy's leash and saying "Good grief!"

"I do feel like that sometimes!" Greg muttered.

"You're a great match for it too." John replied.

"Oh really?" Greg said with a raised eyebrow.

"You have the hair cut to match and you have the same easy going and positive attitude." John said in a matter of fact tone.

"_I_ have a positive attitude?" Greg asked disbelievingly.

"You put up with Anderson and you never give up hope of him becoming a competent forensic scientist." Sherlock answered.

"You also put up with dear Lucy's _lovely_ attitude on a daily basis." John added.

"Why do you insist on comparing Donoven to Lucy?" Greg asked him.

"She's crabby, bossy, mean to Sherlock and gives crappy advice that isn't needed!" John said with a scowl.

"Bad day?" Sherlock asked in an understanding tone.

"Kind of, ya…" John sighed.

Greg snorted, then he took a closer look at the screen. "Come to think of it, I _do_ see the Snoopy analogy!"

"Do you now? Care to elaborate?" Sherlock asked with mock interest.

"Sure! Okay, where to start…"

"Sleep deprivation detective inspector?" Sherlock asked.

"Go the usual route, Greg, start with appearance. We'll join in." John soothed.

"Alright then, let's start with Snoopy. White with black ears, a perfect fit for Sherlock who's extremely pale and has long black hair."

"My hair isn't long!"

"It's reaching your shoulders. You need a haircut Sherlock, deal with it!" John answered smoothly.

"He uses a lot of different disguises." Greg looked at the laptop, "Haven't used one with sunglasses yet. Oh, I think I'll ask another department for a case just to make you use such a disguise!" Then he started to snicker.

"That," Sherlock looked at snoopy with sunglasses leaning on a wall "Is not going to happen!"

"Sunglasses are your division, Greg, not his!" John said with a smirk.

"Sure, whatever. He doesn't get excited over food though."

"Food is boring."

"No, but he goes nuts when he has an exciting case. Did you know he has a case dance, Greg?" John said casually.

"I do not!"

"Sure you do. You through your fists up while jumping in the air, then you clap your hands and twirl around."

Sherlock and Greg stared at John dumbfounded.

"What?"

"You memorized what I do when I get excited over a case." Sherlock said stunned.

"Mate, I don't know if that's creepy or sweet!" Greg mused.

"I'm thinking of putting it to the Hokey Pokey music and publishing it in my blog. I'll call it "Sherlock's case dance"!"

"What's the Hokey Pokey?"

"You put your right foot in, You put your right foot out…" Greg started singing to himself in a low voice "You punch the air, you jump on the ground…" he tried.

"John you wouldn't do that to me now, would you?" Sherlock was pouting.

"No, I'm just teasing you. I don't know about Greg though." They both turned to the DI.

"You do the case dance…" Lestrade continued singing.

"Any time you're finished Greg!" John interrupted him.

"Maybe I should teach my kids the Hokey Pokey, the case dance is too dizzying." Greg muttered to himself. "Back to Snoopy! You're not too friendly either. Snoopy got along with almost everyone. Except the birds maybe…"

"Well, I don't get along with bird-brains!" Sherlock said haughtily.

"I still don't know if Lucy and Snoopy liked each other or not." John mused.

"Oh, I can assure you they don't in this version." Sherlock said firmly.

John started giggling all of a sudden.

"What's so funny John?" Greg asked him with obvious curiosity.

"I was picturing what would happen if Sherlock and Sally would bump into each other under a mistletoe branch. I wonder who would run in the opposite direction faster!" John said with a chuckle.

"I rather wear the sunglasses than face that situation!" Sherlock sad horrified. Then he cleared his throat. "So, who's Woodstock?"

"Woodstock is a small yellow bird who dropped in from the south. He's got spiky feathers on his head, and weak wings. He can't fly all that well." Greg delivered in one breath.

"I can see the analogy!"

"Hey! My hair isn't spiky!" John protested.

"It's blond, and the hair on the back of your head is currently sticking up." Sherlock said neutrally.

"Fine." John grumbled while trying to smooth his hair. "And yes, no need to get into the wing/shoulder analogy."

"Dare I enter the height analogy?" Greg asked with a smirk.

"Really Lestrade, there is no need for that, it's rather obvious!" Sherlock dead panned.

John grumbled something unintelligible under his breath.

"Woodstock is Snoopy's best friend, no matter what you looked like, we would have made you fit the description." Greg told John with a tone of finality. "He communicates in a certain chicken-scratch that only Snoopy understands." Greg continued.

"Last I checked _I_ translated _Sherlock_ for you." John was incredulous.

"But no one can read your handwriting except for Sherlock."

"Hello! I'm a doctor, not a calligrapher!"

"What does Woodstock say?" Sherlock interjected.

"Apparently it's mostly complaining." Greg replied.

"You do complain a lot though!" Sherlock told John

"Granted." John agreed.

"Oh well, moving on to the characteristics then." Greg said with a sigh, "Woodstock is Snoopy's sidekick and assistant, he's also his mechanic when he plays at being a World War One pilot."

"Mechanic?" Sherlock spat.

"Well the plain needs fixing; it's a war for crying out loud-"

"How's that relevant to John?"

"He fixes you up when you do something reckless and stupid." Greg took a look at Sherlock's puzzled face "Didn't you say something about your body being your transport?"

"A doctor fixing the body is like a mechanic fixing a vehicle. You've become a poet Greg!" John chuckled.

"Thanks John, and let's not forget the protectiveness."

"What protectiveness?"

"Do I really need to elaborate on this one?" Greg said with a cheeky grin as he noticed John and Sherlock turning an interesting shade of pink.

Donoven burst in the office.

"We have reports of double homicides committed at three different parts of the city, sir!"

"Okay, right behind you Lucy, I mean Sally. Go on ahead."

"Come on Sherlock, you now you want to do it." John teased Sherlock. Sherlock glared at him.

"You punch the air, you jump on the ground…" Greg started singing.

"Oh for heaven's sake Lestrade, grow up!" Sherlock snapped at him.

"Why do you always pick on me?" Greg whined.

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**The 100th review gets the story of their choice for the next chapter. I'd like to thank all of you who have favorited, followed, read and reviewed so far. It means a lot!**


	19. The Powerpuff Girls

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade, or someone with that last name!**

**For Elmo98, my 100th reviewer. This really had me scratching my head, trying to figure out a way to mix Sherlock and the powerpuff girls. When it came to me, it came with a case, enjoy!**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, or any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

* * *

**At 221B Baker Street:**

"So, Sherlock, do you have any experience in baby-sitting?"

"What do you think?"

"He's the youngest child of the family Greg, what baby-sitting experience can you possibly expect him to have?" John said good humoredly.

"So Mycroft has that experience?" Greg asked skeptically.

"No." Sherlock dead panned.

"Ya, didn't think so…What about you John?"

"Well…define baby-sitting." John said cautiously.

"Looking after a four year old girl for a few hours." Greg said very fast.

"Is it for a case?" Sherlock asked shrewdly.

"Yes, it is. It's a simple case really, but-"

"Oh let me guess," Sherlock cut Lestrade off, "something is stolen in an aristocrat's house-"

"An expensive emerald bracelet." Lestrade interjected.

"-and the child knows its whereabouts. Why don't you just go and interview the staff of the house? It's a much simpler procedure!" Sherlock said irritated.

"Well, the problem is that we can't. The mother is a celebrity. Any indication of police investigation would be trumpeted in the media. Before you say anything, neither you nor John can go anywhere near that house, it's always surrounded by paparazzi. If you wear disguises and go in, the staff will peg you as private investigators the moment you start asking questions. The kid is our best bet!"

"You have improved Lestrade." Sherlock said impressed. "What do you say, John?"

"We need reinforcements, someone more in touch with children." John said pensively, "Greg, call in Kallie!"

**A Few hours later, Mrs. Hudson's flat:**

"So, Mr. Sherlock, how are you going to interview little Daphne here?"

"Well Kallie, first-"

"KITTY! COME HERE KITTY!" came the shrieks of an excited four year old girl.

"Poor kitty!" John mumbled.

"When did Mrs. Hudson get a cat?" Kallie asked curiously.

"She's looking after it for a few days until the owner comes back from her trip." Sherlock answered her.

"Speaking of which, where did it go?" John asked confused.

"I think it went to hide under the sofa. A very wise decision if you ask me." Sherlock said calmly.

"And where did Daphne go?" Kallie asked in a panic.

"Found her!" John announced. The little girl was trying to squeeze herself between the wall and a wardrobe.

"Why is she doing that?" Sherlock was confused.

"Never mind the reason; we have to get her out." Kallie admonished Sherlock. She then knelt down in front of little Daphne, "Come out Daphne, do you want to watch a cartoon?"

Daphne just shook her head and tried to squeeze herself further in the gap. Kallie began to panic, but John gently guided her up and steadied her on her feet, "Kallie, go and turn on the tele and set it on a station that's showing cartoons." Then he kneeled in front of Daphne, "Hey, do you want to play with kitty?" The little girl nodded enthusiastically. "Come on then."

Daphne took John's hand and came out of the gap. Then she ran off to the living room. "KITTY! COME HERE KITTY!" When she saw the cartoon playing on the television screen she stopped and became engrossed in the colorful images flashing on the screen.

"How did you know that would work, Dr. John?" Kallie asked impressed.

"I have a lot of experience dealing with children." John answered her with a smile.

"Okay, so Mr. Sherlock, how do you want to interview out little guest here?"

"We have to get here to stop screaming and start communicating in a normal volume fit for human's hearing range!" Sherlock said while rubbing his ears.

"She's quite now." Kallie prompted.

"Yes, but she's too engrossed in that cartoon, we need her to be occupied enough to sit still, yet not too engrossed in the activity she is doing, so that someone can have a casual conversation with her." Sherlock explained.

"Got it, I'll be back in a moment." John left the flat and came back a few minutes later with some white paper and crayons.

"John, why do you have art supplies suitable for children?" Sherlock asked him doubtfully.

"Because we need to get our little guest to talk." John said matter-of-factly.

"No, what I mean is, why do you own such items in the first place?" Sherlock added a bit irritated.

"I deal with a lot of children; I have those as emergency supplies to calm the kid down." John explained calmly.

"I want to watch the powder-puff girls!" Daphne demanded.

"It's showing Pokémon, why don't you watch that?" Kallie offered.

"I want to watch the power-puff girls!" Daphne whined and stumped her foot.

"Why that cartoon all of a sudden?" Kallie was exasperated.

"Because you look like them!" Daphne explained gleefully.

John and Sherlock turned to Kallie, "What is she talking about?" John asked with a hint of panic in his voice.

Kallie made a small noise resembling the squeaking of a mouse.

"Judging from the available information, it's a cartoon series made for the target audience of the age group of little Daphne here and it involves some girls." Sherlock deduced.

Daphne ignored all the conversation that went on. "You have long red hear like Blossom's," she said while patting Kallie on the knee, then she moved to John "You're Bubbles," Then she moved towards Sherlock.

Sherlock stiffened as the little girl slapped both her hands excitedly on Sherlock's knees, "And you're BUTTERCUP!" she shrieked.

John was taking in deep breaths in an attempt to stop himself from bursting out laughing while Kallie had given up on the attempt and was doubled over giggling. Sherlock scowled. Daphne clapped her hands and started jumping excitedly "Yay, now you look more like her! She's my favorite power-puff girl!"

John had lost control and had started laughing after that statement, "This is the first time that scowl had added to your appeal Sherlock!" He managed to force out.

"Oh? And which expression has added to my appeal most often?" Sherlock asked sarcastically.

"Your pout, it makes you look like a cute four year old!" John snickered.

"I don't pout!" Sherlock said sulkily and crossed his arms, which added to little Daphne's delight.

"Hey Daphne, do you like drawing?" John asked her brightly. Daphne nodded eagerly. "Okay then, why don't you draw a picture of Buttermilk-"

"Buttercup" Kallie intoned.

"Sorry, yes, Buttercup to show Sherlock here how much he looks like her." He handed the art supplies to her and she sat down and got busy. "So, Daphne, do you go to kindergarten?" John asked her gently.

"No, I stay home with Andria. Andria is my nanny. She takes me to the park and I go swinging and sliding and then I go on the monkey-bars and when we want to go home she sometimes buys me ice-cream…"

Sherlock was listening intently at the doctor and the little girl's conversation.

"What about when it rains?" John prompted.

"Then we stay at home and play with my dolls. I like my power-puff girls' dolls." She got up and handed her finished picture to Sherlock, then trotted over to her place on the floor and stated making a new picture.

"What are you drawing now?" John asked her.

"Bubbles! I want to show you how much _you_ look like her!" Daphne replied cheerfully.

Sherlock snorted. John was stunned but quickly recovered. "Uh, alright, thanks, I guess…"

"I like Bubbles too, she wears blue. I like green the best, but mummy likes purple, so I always wear purple. I have some dolls on the shelf, Andria says they're figu-figurings. I can't play with them because Andria says they can break. I like Jacklin. She has a big hat and a green dress. I asked Andria if we can dress Elmira in green too. We found a string of shiny green stones on the playroom's table and she put it around her skirt."

Sherlock perked up. He picked up his phone and started typing on it furiously.

Kallie sat electrified in her seat. "Wow, who would have though! I guess the power-puff girls saved the day!"

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**Thank you sis for helping me with the case! And a big thank you to all my dear readers and all you lovely people who faved, follow and reviewed. You're awesome!**

**Next up: Twilight!**


	20. Twilight

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade, or someone with that last name!**

**For Belldare who asked for Twilight, and for all of you who supported that choice, here it is!**

**I owe my dear sister a huge thankyou. This chapter is a collaboration between us, she supplied Kallie and Mycroft's lines. I'm sorry for the delay, my sis got stage fright and writer's block at the same time! All the analogies are hers, since she's a hard core Twi-heart, and I'm practically Twignorant! :D**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, or any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

* * *

**At a crime scene in an alley behind the café**

"So, Sherlock, what do you think about the vampire victim here?"

"It's obviously not done by a vampire Lestrade."

"Yeah, vampires tend to drink the blood of the victim, not let it drain down their clothes."

"Well, John, that wasn't-" Sherlock tried to interject.

"Besides, look at the bruises, they show a struggle happened while the victim and the murderer were facing each other, a vampire grabs its targets from the back." John continued eagerly.

"His."

"Oh, the size of the hand indicated by the bruise, thanks Sherlock. In addition, the vampire's speed would have made the need for a struggle quite unnecessary."

"But John, I was going to point out that the distance of the holes showed it was made by false vampire teeth, and that the angle of the entry wound suggest that the weapon was pushed in by hand, not by biting." Sherlock managed to cut in.

"Yes, well, that was much faster." John said lamely.

"But your analysis was quite good; you just got carried away with the attributes assigned to vampires in literature." Sherlock said with a soothing tone.

"Okay, that was officially weird." Greg finally managed to say after succeeding in gathering his jaw from the floor. "But why would someone go through all this trouble to make it look like a vampire attack?"

"I'm guessing he was a fan of vampires." John hazarded.

"Yes well, that's rather obvious, but why now? What has caused him to make these fairly elaborate preparations?" Sherlock mused.

"I bet it's a movie. It's always the buzz made over a cult related movie that makes these nutters go and do crazy stuff such as this. Remember that Death-Eater imitation case?" John ranted.

"The one which they carved 'mud blood' out in the arm of the victim after they had suffocated her with poisonous gas?" Greg said with a shudder.

"Exactly, it was right after "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part one" was released." John said exasperated.

"And the victim with a laser whole burned through them was after the new Star Trek movie." Sherlock supplied. "We need to find out what popular vampire movie has recently been released, then we have to find the man matching the killers description who has a girlfriend who's a fan of that movie."

"How do you know the killer's not a fan?"

"The method of the killing indicates a warning. Who would take this kind of warning seriously? A fan of vampire fictions, but why does this person need such a vicious warning? Because they were infidel. The evidence from the struggle you spotted suggests that the victim was 'the other man' and was having an affair with the killer's partner." Sherlock said in a single breath.

"What makes you think the partner is a female? There are vampire movies with hard core male fans as well." John told him.

"This is getting nowhere. We need to find the movie first." Sherlock said irritated and headed straight in the café. "Kallie! Your assistance is required for the case!" He called across the café.

"Couldn't you have searched it?" Greg asked a bit annoyed.

"This is much faster." Sherlock replied.

"Really? Yes! This is so exciting, I can't believe it. What can I do?" Kallie went on excitedly while bounding over to the door.

"You are a fan of vampire fiction, correct?" Sherlock asked her.

"Oh my gosh! You remember that? I can't believe it! Yes, of course I am. What series do you want to know about?"

"How many series do you follow Kallie?" Greg asked incredulously before he could stop himself.

"Let me see, there is The Vampire Diaries and then there is True Blood, and I just started Secret Circle, that's a good one, and-" As Kallie went on with her list, Sherlock began to bristle. He was on the brink of exploding when John sprang into action.

"Which vampire movie is making the most buzz right now?" John interjected, feigning interest.

"Twilight, Breaking Dawn part two. It's so exciting, I can't wait to go and see it this weekend with my friends."

"Are you a die-hard fan of Twilight Kallie?" John pressed on.

"I'm a big fan, but not hard core. A Twi-heart would go and buy all the books in hard cover, not to mention they'd buy all the companions to the movies and everything else by Stepheneie Meyer. They would have devoured all of them by now as well." Kallie replied.

"Alright, but would they have anything physical to show they're a fan? You know, a ring or something, like a Lord of the rings fan." John prodded on.

"Well, Twilight hasn't exactly reached cult states; it's still a part of the Vampire cult. But, there are a few stores that specialize in making some of the items in the movie." Kallie got her mobile phone out and fiddled with it a bit, then she showed the screen to the other three, "Something like this, the Cullen family's crest. It's made from sterling silver and costs quite a bit. I was saving for it, but then the price sky rocketed and I figured I'd just go and buy a book marker with the knock-off charm. Like the Lord of the rings book markers." Kallie chattered on.

John glanced at Sherlock, observing that he had forgotten his annoyance and had begun texting.

*Ping*

"Sherlock, why have you texted me? I'm standing right here!" Greg asked exasperated.

"This way you have the information in hand without the annoyance of you having to interrupt me numerous times to get all the details down. Forward the instructions to Donovan so that she can start the investigations."

"You should do this more often." Greg said delightedly.

"Ha! You wish! I did it because I felt like it. It was just this once." Sherlock said briskly then he paused, "Now why did that sound so familiar?"

*Ping*

-_How's it going with you and Edward? ;)_ Harry

John checked his phone, snorted, shook his head and put it back in his pocket.

"Was it Mycroft, sticking his nose in our business again?" Sherlock asked irritated.

"No, it was Harry. She called you Edward."

"Who's Edward?" Sherlock was confused.

"He is _so_ not Edward!" Kallie said indignantly.

"I guess I need a crash course in Twilight, I have no idea what you people are talking about." Greg complained. He turned to John expectedly.

"Don't look at me. I just saw some of the movies with Harry."

"And some spoof videos on the net." Sherlock interjected.

"Which I'm sure you saw on my laptop." John said with a smirk.

"Obviously, I wanted to see what the reason behind your laughing was." Sherlock defended, "It's still a mystery to me." He muttered.

"You've had to have seen the movie to get why the big hair and the voice over explanations were funny." John replied. "You're impossibly fast. And strong. Your skin is pale white, and ice cold." John said with an exaggerated dramatic air.

"Oh, that movie!" Greg exclaimed, "Well, you do have pale skin and bushy dark hair like that kid in the movie."

"But he's not super strong nor ice cold." John opposed.

"I'm strong!" Sherlock protested.

"Ya, but not extraordinarily so. Remember the Golem?" John replied. "Does that make me a vampire?" he said with a grin.

"You're missing the cold and pale parts, and you're not that fast." Sherlock retorted.

"I keep up with you!" John complained.

"Barely." Sherlock said with a smirk.

"And didn't Edward compose music on the piano? Sherlock composes on his violin." Greg pressed on.

"Edward was composing for Bella. It was so sentimental with all of that 'oh Bella, you're my inspiration, I can't live without you!' And he wrote just that one song in the movie." Kallie argued.

"The only time I saw Sherlock use that tone was when he was acting it." John said abhorred.

"Yeah, Edward is all about sentiment. He's like, crying for the fallen leaves in autumn, and, brooding because I can't get the hang of my own personality, that sort of vibe." Kallie continued.

"I believe the accurate teenage terminology for that bit of description would be _Barf_!" Sherlock deadpanned.

"Dido on that!" John concurred.

"I can't even picture you in any other mode than your cool and logical self." Greg said.

"Although he does show consideration about the people he cares about, but he's not the world peace advocating kind of guy." John amended.

"Hmm, just like Jasper." Kallie mused.

"Who?" all three men asked in unison.

"Jasper, you know, that quite guy who hangs around with Alice? Tall guy with blond hair?" Kallie explained.

"You can't exactly use quite as a description for Sherlock." John said, "Unless you can provide a better argument, I'd have to disagree with you on that."

"You're on Dr. John! Okay, so, according to the books, Jasper is the tallest in the clan. He cuts an imposing figure. He was a Major in the civil war at a young age, so he's precautious. He's cool and calculating, very logical, and skilled in fighting. He has the ability to control people's moods. He's not afraid to go to extremes in order to get the job done. He is pretty detached and the only person he really pays attention to is Alice."

"That rings so true! The only person Sherlock pays any real attention to is John!" Lestrade said with a snicker. "So who's Alice?"

"She's a petite girl with short dark hair and the ability to predict the future. She's very friendly and she's got a bubbly personality."

"Except for the bubbly part, the rest fits you perfectly John." Sherlock said with amusement.

"What? None of that except for the friendly part matched me!" John said frustrated.

"Let's check the list one more time, shall we? Petite-" Sherlock began.

"I'm average, not _petite_!"

"Short spiky hair."

"My hair's not spiky!" John blurted out while trying to smooth the hair on the back of his head.

"Predicting the future."

"Okay, that is complete bull. If I had any prediction powers, I would have made a fortune in the stock market and prevented all the murders you solve." John said with a tone of finality.

"You can predict when one of my experiments is going to explode, or when I'm going to fall ill or collapse." Sherlock countered.

"That's because I'm a doctor, I can see the symptoms of illness. Also, I've passed chemistry courses in medical school, so I can see when one of your concoctions is going to blow up." John retorted while folding his arms over his chest.

"Got it! Carlisle is a good fit for you. He's a skilled doctor, like you. He's even tempered and has strong morals, he knows how to make compromises. He's like the conscience of the Collins clan."

"How're his fighting skills?" John asked.

"Pretty good. Though, he won't fight until it's absolutely necessary. He's more of a mollifier most of the times, trying to calm every one down." Kallie went on.

"Yeah, that's John alright!" Greg concurred.

Just then Lestrade's mobile phone began to ring. He answered it and was assaulted by Sally Donovan's harsh voice coming from the other side. Lestrade rolled his eyes at his Sargent's ranting, but did not admonish her with anything more severe. He put his phone back in his pocket when the DS terminated the call.

"Apparently Sally is not a Twilight fan." Greg informed the group with a sigh.

"She has such a lovely temper; it's quite, shall I say, _wolfish_!" John said wryly.

"Like Leah, she's the female werewolf in the second book, New Moon; she's bitter and has one of the foulest of tempers. Her love life is pretty messed up. She and Sam were together, but then Sam imprinted on Emily, so then he left Leah. Then Leah turned into a werewolf, so she's frozen in that state, and she's stuck as a werewolf for all eternity, so it's no wonder she's so pissed." Kallie said in one breath.

"Okay…you need to translate that into normal English for us." Lestrade told his niece.

"She got dumped by her boyfriend for another girl, and she's stuck in a supernatural sate that won't allow her to be with anyone." Kallie summarized.

"That's really depressing!" John said with sympathy.

"I know, it's so unfair!" Kallie ranted.

"Can we get back to the case please?" Greg interrupted the sympathy fair.

"I would love to comply," Sherlock began.

"But until dear Leah provides us with more information, we're stuck in the Twi-heart zone here!" John quipped.

"I hope you're not thinking of making a snack out of that pretty brunet over there Major." Greg directed at Sherlock. He was rewarded with a withering glare but Greg seemed unfazed. "You seem to be eyeing her up Sherlock, be careful not to bite her in public."

"Very amusing Lestrade." Sherlock said dryly.

"Well, Uncle, based on the evidence provided thus far, you're the one we should worry about. You seem to have endless patience, you can put up with Sherlock and Donovan's constant bickering, you don't make the best jokes, and nothing seems to ever bother you. You are so like Emmett."

"That guy with dark curly hair and athletic build? He was amusing, and Harry would have crushed on him if she wasn't more interested in Rosalie." John supplied.

"Do the vampires have a government as well?" Sherlock suddenly asked.

"Like da, every community has a government, not that you care." Kallie said saucily, "Why the sudden interest?"

"I was wondering who'd fit Mycroft." Sherlock replied casually.

"Easy, Aro. He makes it his business to know everything. He's got nice manners and can extract information straight from your head." Kallie said cheerfully.

-_For once brother, that analogy fits_. M

Sherlock rolled his eyes at the text. "Does he keep spying on everyone?"

-_You're not everyone. Don't flatter yourself!_ M

"What, he's worried you'd expose yourself?" Kallie joked.

"He's already done that in Buckingham palace." John said nonchalantly.

Lestrade's phone rang again. He picked it up and listened to Donovan on the other side. After the call ended, he turned to the others. "They identified the killer."

John sprang to his feet, "Let's go catch that bloodsucker!"

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**I can't believe I made it to chapter 20! Right now this story has had 118 reviews and over 9000 readers, I'm over joyed! Thank you so much, thank you to every one who has read, reviewed, faved and alerted this story. I take requests!**

**I was watching the movie with my sister after the initial analogies were made, and I felt like sharing my reactions here with you!**

**Spoilers for Breaking Dawn part two:**

_**(Near the end the Cullens and the Volturi start a battle.)**_

**Arty: Finally, some action!**

**Sis: I don't remember that part in the books.**

**Arty: Oh well, you know how *Carlisle is killed* WHAT? No! No, you do not get to kill Carlisle, I won't have- *Jasper is Killed* NOOOOOO! How dare you!**

**Sis: Calm down sis, I bet it's just a-**

**Arty: *screaming when Emmett is attacked***

**Sis: Since when do you care about the Twilight characters so much?**

**Arty: Since you made the Sherlock analogies. They killed off Leah! What the…?**

**Sis: Ha! Told you it was a prediction. None of it happened, they're all okay.**

**Arty: *Slumped in relief***


	21. Mash-up: Mary Poppins, Dr who,

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade, or someone with that last name!**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, or any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

**This chapter is a mashup of anything that crossed my mind, but I couldn't expand on it. For ****Raychaell Dionzeros****, ****Fjord****, ****CHiKa-RoXy****, and all the others who requested Doctor Who! It's in there, somewhere...**

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**At the flat in 221B:**

"So, Sherlock, fancy meeting you here!"

"I live here Lestrade."

"You've been injected with an unknown drug Greg; we've brought you to Baker Street so you could recover from it." John informed him.

"Okay." Then after ten seconds Greg piped up again, "I'm bored!"

"Um…" John was a bit uneasy, "Want to play a game or something?" He asked with uncertainty.

"I'll get the Cluedo board!" Sherlock jumped enthusiastically from his seat.

"No!"

"But John!" Sherlock whined.

"I told you before, we are _never_ playing that game again!" John said firmly.

"You guys have Cluedo?" Greg asked.

"Unfortunately!" John muttered.

"Hehehe, you guys never fail to surprise me!" Greg said with something close to drunken giggling.

"Glad we're able to amuse you Lestrade," Sherlock said while placing a bucket beside the sofa Greg was sitting on, "Now, lie down and go to sleep."

"But I don't want to sleep!" Greg whined.

"Trust me Greg, it'll be best for every one if you tried to sleep it off. There'd be less chance of embarrassment." John reasoned.

"We have never compared ourselves to rock stars." Greg mused.

"Rock stars? But John, I thought you said stars were made from condensed hot gasses!" Sherlock said with near panicking tone.

"Or we can do Pop stars if you want." Lestrade continued in a conversational tone.

"I thought we made analogies to fictional characters, why have you veered into astronomy? Are you mocking me?"

"Calm down Sherlock, by 'stars' he means singers, rock singers and pop singers." John said soothingly.

"I've got dibs on Bon Jovi!" Greg declared.

"What? That's not-" John began

"Sherlock can be Pink, since he's the one with the attitude!" Lestrade prodded on.

"Pink? Why would you assign such a horrendous color to me? What, may I implore, have you seen on my person to-"

"Dear God, please grant me the patience to keep my calm and not usher these two nut jobs out of the flat!" John prayed out loud.

"Usher isn't a rock star!" Greg protested.

"Indeed." Came Mycroft's smooth reply.

"Oh, look what the wind blew in!" Lestrade said brightly.

"_Excuse_ me?" Mycroft was completely thrown off balance much to John and Sherlock's delight.

"Drugged." John offered as explanation, then he pointed to Sherlock "Extreme fatigue."

"Are you here to discipline Jane and Michael, Mary Poppins? They have been driving me crazy and won't listen to me while they're in the crime scene!" Lestrade complained.

"So far, this is _our_ flat." John started.

"But it _might_ become a crime scene _very_ soon if you don't lie down and go to sleep!" Sherlock finished through gritted teeth.

"Woo hoo! Do you want some tea boys? I see you have company." Mrs. Hudson breezed in.

"IT'S THE MASTER!" Greg shouted.

"Oh, so what's he taken then?" Mrs. Hudson asked nonchalantly.

"The Master?" John asked incredulously, "But-"

"'It's the master' step in time, 'it's the master' step in time, never a reason-" Greg started to sing.

"Good God!" Mycroft exclaimed with an eye role, "I'll be back later." And he left.

"You boys call me if you needed a backup female vocal." Mrs. Hudson said with a chuckle as she left.

"John, why did you get so upset when Lestrade said 'the master'?"

"I thought he was making a Doctor Who reference. The Master is the villain." John explained.

"And that would make John the Doctor and you the TARDIS, Sherlock" Lestrade continued.

John giggled, "Yeah, your head is bigger in the inside Sherlock, with your mind palace and all that."

"And you never know where you'd end up with him!" Greg added happily.

"And who would you be?" Sherlock asked dryly.

"I'm one of the companions." Greg stated nonchalantly, then he added ruefully, "That's why you keep ditching me and going off on your own."

"But we always come back for you!" John told him soothingly, "Now, here's a pillow, you just-"

"Oh, I know, you're the Pinky and the Brain. Because you Sherlock are the genius and John's insane!" Lestrade said giggling.

"_Excuse_ me?" John said incredulously.

"Come on! No one in their right minds can stand being around _him_ for long!"

"You're around me quite often Inspector, what does that say about you?" Sherlock asked icily.

"I don't live with you!" Greg deadpanned.

John was glaring daggers. Sherlock cleared his throat. "John, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, Sherlock, but wouldn't we embarrass ourselves by the video as well since we're always a part of his analogies?"

Sherlock paused before starting to record, then focused on Greg, "I'll risk it."

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**I apologize for my muse! She goes off to god-knows-where and then when she comes back- There's a part two in store as well...**

**Any requests?! :D**


	22. Mash-up2: Disney princesses,transformers

**A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade, or someone with that last name!**

**Sorry if it's been a while, lack of inspiration and Greg's cooperation were to blame. If this seems crackier than before, blame it on the drugs in Greg's system. (Yes, he's yet to come down!)**

**Disney princess are for Akemi713 and Skulduggery Pleasant is for CHiKa-RoXy. See if you can get what're the movies referenced at the end! :D**

**I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, or any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.**

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**An hour later, at the flat in 221B:**

"So, Sherlock, are you familiar with 'Little Women'?"

"Either you're getting more delirious by the second, or I am missing context here. But to answer your question, I do not have any small women amongst my acquaintances."

"Wait, wait, wait, is he talking about 'Little Women'?" John asked with a hint of alarm in his voice.

"Unless you count Mrs. Hudson as a little woman, but I don't think she'd appreciate being called little." Sherlock mused as if there were no interruptions.

"Yeah, it's a nice book." Greg said with a dreamy smile, "I read it with my daughter. I was thinking-"

"No, stop right there!" John cut him off "I know exactly where this is going, and I really, _really_, don't want to go there!" he said sternly.

"But it'll be great analogy, see, Sherlock is the wild child, so he's-"

"NO!" John cut him off again, "I know where this is going. In fact, I know exactly who is going to be whom, and that's why you should stop it right there."

"But-"

"There's going to be a Beth. I've got an idea who's going to be likened to her so I'm stopping it right here."

"But-"

"Nope, change the story. I forbid you to go anywhere near Beth, and that's final!"

"Fine! So touchy!" Greg mumbled indignantly.

"When are you going to fall asleep Lestrade? This is getting tedious!" Sherlock seethed.

"What happened to filming him?" John asked him in a low voice.

"My arm got tired after his analogy to a story about a pleasant skull."

"Skulduggery Pleasant." John supplied.

"What is it?"

"A detective story with some magicians."

"And?

"I just read the first paragraph of the Wikipedia page. You can't expect me to read all of the eight books in the few minutes it took him to jump to his next analogy!" John snapped.

"They're eight books?" Sherlock asked incredulously, "Do you think Lestrade has read all of them?"

John considered that for a moment, "Maybe we can tease him about it after he's back to normal." He said with a wry smile.

"Oh, you know what? You two are like Sonny and Cher, the names kind of fit you too. Maybe for next year's Halloween party you can dress like them. You'd win the prize for the best couple's custom for sure."

John and Sherlock stared at him dumbfounded.

"Johnny and Cher-lock, hahaha!" Greg giggled.

Sherlock put his face in his hands. "Please, make it stop!" he whined.

*Ping*

"That's me." John informed them dryly.

-_Can't you sedate him?_ MH

-He's got an unknown drug in his system, it'll be too risky. JW

-_Then put him out by hitting him on the head with a frying pan._ MH

-And give him a concussion? This isn't a cartoon Mycroft! JW

-_This whole situation is cartoonish!_ MH

"How about Disney princesses? Has anyone told you that you look like Snow White, Sherlock?" Greg piped up.

Sherlock was looking longingly at the wall.

-_This is rather painful to watch_. MH

-You don't know the half of it, at least you're not here! JW

"And John, you're blond, you're-"

"Greg, I'm warning you! Go to sleep or I'll hit you over the head with a frying pan!"

"Yup, Rapunzel it is!" Greg said with satisfaction.

"Who's Mycroft?" Sherlock said, suddenly perking up.

"Um…He leans a bit towards being ginger, so, um, Ariel?" Greg sounded unsure. "He's not really princess material…"

-_Thank goodness for that!_ MH

"And we are?" Sherlock said unimpressed.

"Alright then, who'd you be?" John challenged.

"Okay, let's see. I'm saddled with paperwork drudgery and I have to endure two foul tempered colleagues. I need the help of a fairy godmother pretty often, so I'd say I'm Cinderella." Greg finished with a nod.

"Sherlock, are you getting this?" John asked his flat-mate in an undertone.

Sherlock nodded with a mischievous grin.

"I just found out the perfect analogy for you two," Greg said excitedly, "Jack and the Bean Stock! It describes the height deference perfectly."

"He's only six inches taller than me!" John ranted.

"And Mycroft's the giant." Greg went on, as if no interruption happened.

"It's not like I'm a Hobbit and he's an Ent!" John continued his previous line of argument.

Greg stared for a moment then started laughing, "Well, that brings some interesting images to mind!" He giggled. "He'd make a better dragon though! Mycroft's the Ent!"

-_I know it's hard, but try not to shoot him_. MH

-Give me one good reason not to! JW

-_If you don't manage to put him out, I'll come and shoot him personally_. MH

-Fair enough! JW

John showed the text exchange on his phone to Sherlock. The detective snorted then started to surf the internet on his own phone, scrolling franticly through the pages.

"You're so touchy about your height, John." Greg said teasingly, "You know who else was touchy about that subject?"

"No, and I don't want to know."

"Bumblebee!" Greg saw the unimpressed look on John's face and misinterpreted it, so he continued, "You know, that little yellow robot from 'Transformers'?"

-Forget shooting him, shoot me. Right now! JW

-_Play along Doctor, I think Sherlock is on to something._ MH

-He'd better be! JW

"Who would you be then?" John forced himself to ask.

"Oh, I'm Optimus Prime, Sherlock can be Ironhide, the weapons' specialist."

"He's mixing up universes." John muttered to himself.

Sherlock snorted.

"What, you don't think so?" Greg asked with amusement.

"Of course not! I should be Optimus." Sherlock said with a sardonic grin.

John's eyes widened in astonishment for a second, but he collected himself quickly.

"Oh really? And why is that?" Lestrade challenged.

"Because I'm better than you." Sherlock sad with an eerie tone, rising from his chair and approaching Lestrade who was sitting on the sofa.

"In what?"

"This!" Sherlock said that last statement as he grabbed between Lestrade's shoulder and neck, then squeezed a certain part of it. Lestrade went limp instantly, falling on his face, unconscious.

"Wha- how did you do that?" John asked with a mixture of alarm and astonishment.

"I used the Vulcan nerve pinch, I read how to perform it effectively on the internet."

"Good going Spock! Now, we need to turn him around so that he won't have any cramps when he gets up." John instructed.

Sherlock nodded, "Let's roll!"

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**Reviews are highly appreciated! **

**If you have a request, don't hesitate to tell me. :D **


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